A bundle of pessimism

That’s me.  But not for no reasons.  Let’s count them out, shall we?

The Examiner…what an exasperating site that is.  If people tell you that Examiner.com gyps all of its writers and underpays to the point of extortion, they were correct.  Why do I keep writing for this site?  #1: I have built my Fresno Literature Examiner “job” into a webpage that receives at least 800 pageviews a month.  #2: Published authors respect the fact I’m writing for an actual newspaper company, not a self-run blog. #3: I’m not giving up something I’ve been working hard at for more than 2 years because the bozos who “run the joint” are cheating, conniving nitwits who exasperate me with all their rejections, upgrades, changes, and stupid excuses.  It’s my book review page.  Authors like me and my writing more than my “employers” do.  And my movie review page (Fresno Movie Examiner) is really something—an enterprise, if you will, that I am personally intrigued with, because I’ve been watching films longer than I’ve been reading books (hey, I grew up with Winnie the Pooh and Disney animated classics) and now is my chance to reveal what side I’m on as an independent movie critic.  #4: I may have to take a lot of crap from my “bosses” about local links, local criteria, and a whole bunch of other nonsense, but I still don’t have an actual editor telling me what to write about or how to to write out my opinions.  #5: It’s my first official gig as a writer.  I want to be a published author someday, where the only interviews I do are with my publisher/editor.

Freelance tutoring…I will not even comment on this one.  All people who are in my shoes: you’ll understand.  Everyone else…you’ll probably not.

Grooveshark keeps deleting all the songs I’ve saved to my library.  When you get to the point that you have approximately 1000 songs in your library, remembering them all and re-adding the ones you’ve suddenly lost is more than a little annoying.

Life…nothing wants to change.  People keep hurting us, things keep regressing instead of progressing.  Time keeps passing and I can’t stop it.  And how I wish I could turn it backwards!

The list goes on and on…no matter how many books I read or how many films I watch or how many reviews I write, I can’t avoid reality.  This is a fact that exists despite my great dismay at its existence.  Optimists are to be congratulated, I guess—they make the rest of us believe in hopeless fantasies that will never come true.  They say that being optimistic is the best view to take, that being gloomy ruins everything.  But they’re wrong.  Being practical saves you the shock of pain and hurtful memories…you’re prepared for both.  But then again…that’s just me.  Hello, Eeyore.

Natalie Gorna

Updates again…

Just a heads up…I quit working for We Got This Covered, so I guess my big opportunity to become a paparazzi reporter just passed me by.  😀  No, I’m kidding.  I was only an entertainment news “reporter,” and not a very creative one at that.  I was merely retelling some other writer’s news scoops, which is not very complimentary (see this blog entry).  And their pay was…dismal.  Much worse than the Examiner’s pay rates, which are so meager already.

Now, I’m stuck writing for the Examiner again, with no tutoring prospects in sight.  And after yesterday’s entry…and they not paying me for a week’s worth of reviews…I am still very upset by the whole business of writing.  I guess I’ll have to console myself by reading more books…

Natalie Gorna